Give me my money, bitch!

We have been very bad, yes, very naughty, for not having updated our fantastical blog in a while. This shall change! You may spank us if you like. I know that Sp00neleh would like it. A lot.

On our behalf we would like to say that all our sympathies go out to the victims of the catastrophe in Japan.

Times are a-changing. This weekend I will be partying it up in Swedenland, Moose-style, so expect to see some crazy party pictures. HEhehe.

Damn, my feet have fallen asleep.

As you've probably heard, the starring actor of "Two and a Half Men" (which I think is s shit show anyways mainly 'cause I hate sitcoms), Charlie Sheen, has gone a bit bonkers. Here's a funny video he made which I personally think is better than anything he did on "Two and a Half Men" (again, mainly 'cause I hate sitcoms; so fucking unrealistic and NOT funny).

Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes from Charlie Sheen

CheesestiCKZZz...on a Stick

Hummela, hummela cheesestiCkzz. I've never had a cheesestick. They sound yummy though.

I know there hasn't been anything posted here in a little while but Sp00neleh has been...occupied. Me? Well, I haven't been so fucked with boredom in a very long time. Perhaps never! Being bored has impaired my ability to be creative thus I have not produced any posts on this or my blog. This will change in about two-three weeks I hope (please, God!).

AAaanyway, today is the 3rd of March! Right now I am thinking about baNanas. Eew, not in THAT way. Get your minds out of the gutter! Tsssk...Bananas. This humble fruit almost seems like a miracle of anture. Nature. Not anture. It's colourful, nutritious and much loved by children, monkeys and clowns (I always connected bananas with elephants, I do not know why...). It has a favourable position in the planet's fruit bowls. It's vitally important in many regions of the tropics where some parts of the plant are used for clothing, paper and tableware. Imagine that your friend calls you and asks what you're wearing to the club. You say,"Yeah, I'm just wearing some banana peel!" Haha. It is a very fortuitious fruit. The banana is, however, a freakish and fragile genetic mutant. It's lovely banana-like appearance hides a fatal flaw which threatens its proud place in the grocery basket. A flaw that can be summed up in a single word: sex. Do not worry! Despite it's unfortunate sexual impotance, agriculturalists have realised and do know how to make grow them so they will still exist and have existed for the past many, many centuries. Go bananas!

God, I just spent the last 15 minutes writing about a banana's sex life. WTF. I need some sexy time.

How incredibly sad has my life become??

Cranium penetration.

Dub- step. Not quite music, not quite noise but filthy dirty. How else to describe the relentless pounding and bass so deep you feel like it's inside you? It's not passionate, theres no heat (except for the heaving bodies next to you). Dub- step is heavy, thick, sweltering. It isn't there to satisfy, it isn't quick enough to release the frustraion that dancing crazy to electro does. No, dub-step teases, pushes up against you, pulls your head back. You're sweaty, wound up by the endless depth of the sound that refuses to give you the drop. Then finally you give in, feeling it throb through you. Suddenly it's pressing everywhere till it gets into your ears, your chest, your head. It's under your skin, dragging up your back. It's ugly, so very very ugly. But so very very wet.

Illegal...Anus?

Hold onto your anuses!

Plug It In & Turn Me On

I want you to take over control, take over control...

This video says it all right now.

Where Dreams Become Heart Attacks

We all love to eat. All kinds of things. Sweet things and salt things. Burgers and sallads. Meatloaf and fish. All kinds of things. But we do have to limit ourselves or we will be cursed with clogged arteries, bad health in general. But maaan do we looove the food!

In America they love food too and I admire their creativity when it comes to creating some foodatistic masterpieces. But then again there's "Supersize Me".

I found some fun pictures of some foodstuff ideas in America that are really fun and original!

Pake= a pie inside a cake!

This one in particular is a lemon-vanilla cake with blueberry preserves, strawberry pie and cream-cheese frosting!

The Fat Monkey

This cake consists of two slices of chocolate chip banana bread, with layers of Nutella, bananas and marshmallow creme sandwich in between dipped in cake batter and then deep-fried then dipped in melted chocolate and rolled in toasted almonds and coconut! Whoo! That's a lot of goody yummy stuff stuffed in one cake!!

Deep-fried Milky Ways

The Americans have taught us that you can virtually deep-fry anything when you put your mind to it!

Oreo Scones

I love Oreos and I love Scones. What a perfect combination.

Inside-Out Spaghetti & Meatballs

As kids (or maybe even as adults) we've all once wished to witness a Giant Meatball. Well, here is one! A giant meatball filled with spaghetti, marinara sauce and ricotta cheese! NOM.

So if you wanna die an early death, eat one of these!

The Sex Panther

Breaded schnitzel, bacon, cheese, ham and steak in a hollowed out bun.

L0LOL0OLOL0OL

see more funny videos

Lending People Your Car

Well, since I don't have a license nor own a car, I do not have to worry about this matter! Wait, what you wanna borrow my car? What car? :S I'm confused...

Google is a great search engine but I just realised that even though it has helped me out at times with homework or writing essays or with books I didn't read for English, there has been more times, A LOT more times where it has failed me. Where it has  not succeeded in identifying what my search demands and therefore failed to come up with what I need. I sat for hours tonight trying to look for a simple red, vintage background. I found many vintage backgrounds and I found many red ones but NONE that were red AND vintage. This pissed me off. What pissed me off even more was that this isn't the first time that Google has forsaken me! Although Google is awesome and has become a part of our everyday language ("Just GOOGLE it!") I am beginning to doubt if it really is that great after all. Well, that is what I've experienced.

Mmm, sitting alone in this godforsaken room on a Friday night. God, I wish I was out, partying like crazy until dawn. I miss those times. I haven't partied since last year. This is very sad. I hope you guys are partying double as hard for me. Drinking jäger shots and making out with strangers in empty bathroom stalls!

OMG What a biiitch!

Sometimes I get really mad!

Some people are such bitches! Fucking whores. Especially girls. Guys can be whores too. Man-whores.

Some people are just AaRrarARGghH and I just want to smack them right across their faces with my spatula. The things some little bitch does sometimes (especially when it has to do with a guy you might like) can really REALLY annoy you sometimes. Then you call or text your best friend to tell her what little bitches are doing and you feel satisfied when you then get a text message back with the single word, "Whore." in it. This confirms (to some unrealistic extent) that you're not the only one who thinks the person's a little biatch who's annoying. Even though your best friend might not even know who this person is. But hey! that's what best friends are for; to make you feel better when you're annoyed and stand with you against the little bitchy, whory things some people in particular do.

The things going through your mind might be something like: "Oh HEEELLL NooO0!! She did NOT just do that! DaAMn I just wanna AAARghhgGH. Fucking bitch! Whore!" You get out your mobile and start furiously texting lots of other french words that might describe what you are feeling ad what you think about this person who has annoyed you.

If someone hits on someone you like=whore.
If someone is together with someone you like=mega whore.
If that someone that's together with the person that you wanna do against the kitchen counter and doesn't let you fucking forget it=super mega fu*cking whore slut @**2'2' aaarGhG I beat you with my spatulaaaaAaaa

Whoo I feel better now :]

True Friendship

"A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." 

Bernard Meltzer

Sometimes people talk about the true meaning of friendship without knowing what it stands for. True friendship is can be defined as being the one in which the individuals do not have to maintain formalities with each other. Sharing true friendship is the situation when the person you are talking about is counted as one among your family members, when the relation you share with him/her reaches a stage that even if you don't correspond for sometime, your friendship remains unscathed. Best friends need not meet up often to make sure that the frienship remains constant.

The trust between friends is such that if one friend falls in trouble, the other will not think twice to help. If the bond between two friends is strong, they can endure even long distances. For them, geographical separation is just a part of life and wouldn't affect their friendship. They make it a point to stay in touch, even in the verge of being exhausted due to the drudgery of everyday life. True friendship never fades away. In fact, it grows better with time. It thrives on trust, inspiration and comfort. Best friends come to know when the other person is in trouble merely by listening to their "Hello" over the phone. They can even understand each other's silences.

They don't desert one another when one is facing trouble. They would face it together and support each other even if it's against the interest of the other. Best friends don't analyze each other; they don't have to do so. They accept one another with their positive and negative qualities. They know each other's strengths as well as weaknesses. One would not overpower the other. They would respect each other's individuality.

Best friends support each other even if the whole world opposes them. It is not easy getting true friends for a lifetime. If you have even one true friend, feel blessed. All best friends are friends, but not all friends can be best friends. In this world of cynics and backstabbers there are still some people worth being friends with.

"It is the ones you can call up at 4:00 am that really matter." 

Marlene Dietrich

Elephant's Memory

"A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ." 

John Steinbeck

Manley men

WHERE HAVE ALL THE MANLEY MEN GONE? WHEN DID ROMANCE DIE? WHEN DID FIREY, SWEATY (slightly rough) SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS BECOME OUT OF STYLE? 

HOT DAMN! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A GOOD MAN TO THROW YOU ACROSS THE BED AND GIVE YOU SOME GOOD LOVING?

Wrestling. You know what comes after wrestling? SEX.

I love the conversations me and my dear Spooneleh have. LOL MAJOR. <3

Romance seems to be deader than a doornail that's deader than a ghost at the moment. For some of us at least. What do we do in this case? Well, you either sit at home and do nothing, watch some porn to ease your needs or you find someone to wrestle with. 'Cause as someone has determined, wrestling, which involves A LOT of physical contact (yum) will end up in the two (possibly three...or more) engaging in some f0RniCaT1ON!! Haha, maybe, maybe not. Probably not...but! one can always be optimistic!

If you lack ze sexual interacTi0n, if you're sexually frustrated or if you lack someone to hold you tight at night do something to distract yourself. Like look at old photos on facebook. Label them and laugh. Find a photo of yourself looking pretty stupid, show it to your bestest of friends and determine how you look in this hilarious photo. Come up with a similar conclusion to this, "Modelistic arms, blowjob face, athlete legs, possibly wearing a wig. Yup, TOTALLY tranny."


You'll find yourself laughing or SMAO (smiling your ass off) and realize that for perhaps a second or two you stopped thinking about your sexual and perhaps emotional deprivation, that you're in dire need of some hotness and that men are cruel.

Slice that bread, bitch!

Women Are From VENUS! Not really.

Women can be confusing to men. For men it is hard to understand what a woman is thinking sometimes and many times a man thinks a woman is flirting with him he will spend the whole night chasing her only to realize that she really has no interest in him! Then the man will spend the rest of the night thinking himself pretty stupid. Fun times.

How can you interpret if someone is flirting with you or not? How to read these confusing signals that women emit (even though they're not really confusing it's just guy that think they are)? Women are famous for giving off mixed signals to guys that can really drive them crazy. Men by nature are more direct when it comes to flirting and women tend to be a bit more mysterious and hard to read.

Understand when she is interested! Don't come off as a weird stalker man! These are three signals a woman will give off even before you begin to talk to her. If she is sending any of these signals it's time to make your move.

Flirting Signs 1: She Can't Take Her Eyes Off Of You

• If a woman keeps looking at you there must be something she likes. I'm not talking about making eye contact with a woman. What I'm talking about is that every time you look up she's staring at you! 
• For many women, eye contact is the main way of flirting with guys. They would rather give you the look than walk over to see if you are interested. A woman that is interested in you will give you the encouragement to come talk to her by giving you good eye contact.

Flirting Signs 2: She Wants Your Attention

• This flirting sign is one that guys tend to miss the most. Many times a woman will constantly sit by a guy, make small talk anything to be near him and some guys still don't get the message!
• Guys: WAKE UP! Don't disregard the woman that is always around you! She is around you for a reason duuh. If she leaves her friends to come and talk to you, then it's a very good sign that she wants you to make the next move.

Flirting Signs 3: Flashing A Smile At You

• No matter what part of the world you're from, if a woman gives you a nice big smile it means that she wants to get to know you better. Usually.
• Flashing you a smile is just like making eye contact in that she is sending an obvious signal your way so DON'T MISS IT! Nice looking women have to work everyday to fend off guys she doesn't like (well, that sounds really stupid). If she is smiling at you, she is not trying to get rid off you. It means she is interested!

I don't know about that last point actually. Smiles can be deceiving so be careful on that last point but otherwise it is all true to some extent. You just got to look at the inconsistencies. Or just go with the flow and hope not to fuck up! Oh, how fun and embarrassing a good fuck-up can be.

While my voice becomes a mans.

When did being cool go out of style?

The word itself is seldom used. It should make a come back, even just for the reason that it is incredibly funny to try and make yourself cool. What defines 'cool'? Am I cool, is he cool, are we cool? Can you even conjugate it?

To be cool was once the essence of importance. Now it's to be 'sexy', 'hot', 'fit', 'baller' and other words that somehow seem to conjure or have a link to the phenomenon of sweat. When did sweat become something you want to be?

Everything was cool oncce. Well almost everything. The guillotine never quite made it. Advertising said that there just wasn't the right edge to it. The public couldn't relate to the product after monarchy collapsed.

To be cool in these times is a difficult and demanding task. People are always throwing you into other catagories. T o be cool is a great achievement. Well done.

Flicking through a little book of sex tips

Remember when the boys where all electric?

Try killing some time
With that chainsaw in your mind
So honey beware
You pick, you choose, you lose the dare

What Attracts Women To Guys?

Men think women are mysterious. Women think men are bastards. Or sluts. Man-sluts. Why are women so mysterious to men when the to women men are just...men? Well, since I am not a man myself I cannot completely and fully answer that question. Even though we think men to be such fools we are still attracted to them.

(This is probably all a generalisation by the way but there is some truth to it). What do women get attracted to? No. It's not your penises (well, maybe) .Well. It depends. Every guy is different but in general girls always like men that can make them laugh, men with humour. I previously read  in a blog that "Humor is attractive because it is a demonstration of a good life, of control, and of social power and dominance over her and other people". 

They are also attracted to kindness. Kind actions, kind words. Every girl likes being told she's pretty or beautiful or that she looks sexy. She might not admit it in the moment but inside she will be smiling profusely. 

Men with good style. If they dress good, it's always a plus. Especially if you look hot in what you're wearing (I. LOVE. SKINNY. JEANS) . But you don't have to dress like a friggin' super model or anything. I'm just saying. +

Some girls are totally attracted to that bad guy personality. It is so hot. A man to push you up against the wall with passionate kisses and some bananas (?) is very sexy indeed.

There are more things that attract girls but if we analyze the few things I've mentioned we see that yes humour=sexy but if you're trying too hard to be funny and making a complete ass out of yourself then you're failing miserably. You don't have to be funny. Just be yourself.

Kindness is good but don't pretend to be someone you're not or again try too hard 'cause we will see right through you! And if you keep saying "Oh, baby, you're so damn fine. Oh, you so pretty. That skirt is just like BAM. Sexylicious" It will seem as if you're engaging in verbal harrassment.

As to style; sometimes guys just don't have a clue and try to hard and fail. Miserably. And don't push a girl up against the wall unless you know with 110% certainty that she wants it. Otherwise you will seem like you're gonna rape her. 

So basically you're fucked! Well, no. But you see why girls think guys are bastards even though they might not be. 40-50% it's because they've been trying too hard. Just be yourself. Nobody likes a liar.

<3

Looking for someone to iron shirts- Do you love ironing?

What do you do when you are next to a hot, red blooded boy who seems like he'd be a little dirty in bed? A boy with nice hands, cute face and an edible smile? You eat bananas of course! 

-What else can easy those sultry, sweaty images popping up in your mind better then a delicious ripe banana?

-Where else can you find solace from the urge to push him up against the wall if not in the sweet crunchiness of banana chips?

-Who else can stop those rampent desires to run your hands all over his body more than a creamy, tangy banana yogurt?

Nothing quite beats the heat of passion like a good ole baked banana!

Now you might think it has to do with them being phalic shaped, well heavens No! Bananas are well known through out the world to calm the brain and quench the feelings of burning lust. They release chemicals into the body which counteract and block the oncome of pheromones from the object of temptation. 

'That's so simple!' you may say, 'how did I not know before!' Well studies show that 90% of women don't, you're not alone in your ignorance!

So ladies save yourself the heartache, when the urge arises-don't suck a dick, eat a banana.

I'm burning inside to touch you!

Pray for silence.

WHat?

It's funny how little, puny 13 to 16 year olds dress up all skanky, drink, smoke, pull guys and go clubbing just to seem cool (come on, that is the real reason), sexy, whatever. It's fun! Well, to older people they just look stupid really. But I did that too when I was in my early teens. Except the smoking and drinking. Yeah, that's it. But since I'm a bit weird and fucked up I never did anything to impress aANYbody. I did it for myself as it should be. I just came thinking on this as I was doing my daily facebook stalking and came across some hilarious profiles. HAHA.

Aaanywhooo let's talk about SEX!! Wait, say whaat? No. Let's talk about CHOCOLATE and CAKE because as we all know they are soooo much better than sex (really? hmm, i dunnoo...:S). They just melt in your mouth and make you moan and say aaah mooore! See, almost like sex. Unless it's bad sex. That's why chocolate and cookielicious goodness are better than sex 'cause there's a higher percentage that you will get good (amazing) chocolate than that you're going to get amazing sex. Mouthgasm vs Orgasm. What a dilemma. Not really.

Why do things fuck up? I guess there will always be periods in our lives where things are completely fucked up and you're sitting and wondering how the hell you're ever going to get out of the turmoil you're finding yourself in. Some peoples' periods of fuckiness are longer than others'. Life cannot be perfect. Shit will happen. Hopefully just not all the time or for long periods of time. It really sucks. Liquorice sucks. BLEH.