Women Are From VENUS! Not really.

Women can be confusing to men. For men it is hard to understand what a woman is thinking sometimes and many times a man thinks a woman is flirting with him he will spend the whole night chasing her only to realize that she really has no interest in him! Then the man will spend the rest of the night thinking himself pretty stupid. Fun times.

How can you interpret if someone is flirting with you or not? How to read these confusing signals that women emit (even though they're not really confusing it's just guy that think they are)? Women are famous for giving off mixed signals to guys that can really drive them crazy. Men by nature are more direct when it comes to flirting and women tend to be a bit more mysterious and hard to read.

Understand when she is interested! Don't come off as a weird stalker man! These are three signals a woman will give off even before you begin to talk to her. If she is sending any of these signals it's time to make your move.

Flirting Signs 1: She Can't Take Her Eyes Off Of You

• If a woman keeps looking at you there must be something she likes. I'm not talking about making eye contact with a woman. What I'm talking about is that every time you look up she's staring at you! 
• For many women, eye contact is the main way of flirting with guys. They would rather give you the look than walk over to see if you are interested. A woman that is interested in you will give you the encouragement to come talk to her by giving you good eye contact.

Flirting Signs 2: She Wants Your Attention

• This flirting sign is one that guys tend to miss the most. Many times a woman will constantly sit by a guy, make small talk anything to be near him and some guys still don't get the message!
• Guys: WAKE UP! Don't disregard the woman that is always around you! She is around you for a reason duuh. If she leaves her friends to come and talk to you, then it's a very good sign that she wants you to make the next move.

Flirting Signs 3: Flashing A Smile At You

• No matter what part of the world you're from, if a woman gives you a nice big smile it means that she wants to get to know you better. Usually.
• Flashing you a smile is just like making eye contact in that she is sending an obvious signal your way so DON'T MISS IT! Nice looking women have to work everyday to fend off guys she doesn't like (well, that sounds really stupid). If she is smiling at you, she is not trying to get rid off you. It means she is interested!

I don't know about that last point actually. Smiles can be deceiving so be careful on that last point but otherwise it is all true to some extent. You just got to look at the inconsistencies. Or just go with the flow and hope not to fuck up! Oh, how fun and embarrassing a good fuck-up can be.

While my voice becomes a mans.

When did being cool go out of style?

The word itself is seldom used. It should make a come back, even just for the reason that it is incredibly funny to try and make yourself cool. What defines 'cool'? Am I cool, is he cool, are we cool? Can you even conjugate it?

To be cool was once the essence of importance. Now it's to be 'sexy', 'hot', 'fit', 'baller' and other words that somehow seem to conjure or have a link to the phenomenon of sweat. When did sweat become something you want to be?

Everything was cool oncce. Well almost everything. The guillotine never quite made it. Advertising said that there just wasn't the right edge to it. The public couldn't relate to the product after monarchy collapsed.

To be cool in these times is a difficult and demanding task. People are always throwing you into other catagories. T o be cool is a great achievement. Well done.

Flicking through a little book of sex tips

Remember when the boys where all electric?

Try killing some time
With that chainsaw in your mind
So honey beware
You pick, you choose, you lose the dare

What Attracts Women To Guys?

Men think women are mysterious. Women think men are bastards. Or sluts. Man-sluts. Why are women so mysterious to men when the to women men are just...men? Well, since I am not a man myself I cannot completely and fully answer that question. Even though we think men to be such fools we are still attracted to them.

(This is probably all a generalisation by the way but there is some truth to it). What do women get attracted to? No. It's not your penises (well, maybe) .Well. It depends. Every guy is different but in general girls always like men that can make them laugh, men with humour. I previously read  in a blog that "Humor is attractive because it is a demonstration of a good life, of control, and of social power and dominance over her and other people". 

They are also attracted to kindness. Kind actions, kind words. Every girl likes being told she's pretty or beautiful or that she looks sexy. She might not admit it in the moment but inside she will be smiling profusely. 

Men with good style. If they dress good, it's always a plus. Especially if you look hot in what you're wearing (I. LOVE. SKINNY. JEANS) . But you don't have to dress like a friggin' super model or anything. I'm just saying. +

Some girls are totally attracted to that bad guy personality. It is so hot. A man to push you up against the wall with passionate kisses and some bananas (?) is very sexy indeed.

There are more things that attract girls but if we analyze the few things I've mentioned we see that yes humour=sexy but if you're trying too hard to be funny and making a complete ass out of yourself then you're failing miserably. You don't have to be funny. Just be yourself.

Kindness is good but don't pretend to be someone you're not or again try too hard 'cause we will see right through you! And if you keep saying "Oh, baby, you're so damn fine. Oh, you so pretty. That skirt is just like BAM. Sexylicious" It will seem as if you're engaging in verbal harrassment.

As to style; sometimes guys just don't have a clue and try to hard and fail. Miserably. And don't push a girl up against the wall unless you know with 110% certainty that she wants it. Otherwise you will seem like you're gonna rape her. 

So basically you're fucked! Well, no. But you see why girls think guys are bastards even though they might not be. 40-50% it's because they've been trying too hard. Just be yourself. Nobody likes a liar.

<3

Looking for someone to iron shirts- Do you love ironing?

What do you do when you are next to a hot, red blooded boy who seems like he'd be a little dirty in bed? A boy with nice hands, cute face and an edible smile? You eat bananas of course! 

-What else can easy those sultry, sweaty images popping up in your mind better then a delicious ripe banana?

-Where else can you find solace from the urge to push him up against the wall if not in the sweet crunchiness of banana chips?

-Who else can stop those rampent desires to run your hands all over his body more than a creamy, tangy banana yogurt?

Nothing quite beats the heat of passion like a good ole baked banana!

Now you might think it has to do with them being phalic shaped, well heavens No! Bananas are well known through out the world to calm the brain and quench the feelings of burning lust. They release chemicals into the body which counteract and block the oncome of pheromones from the object of temptation. 

'That's so simple!' you may say, 'how did I not know before!' Well studies show that 90% of women don't, you're not alone in your ignorance!

So ladies save yourself the heartache, when the urge arises-don't suck a dick, eat a banana.

I'm burning inside to touch you!

Pray for silence.

WHat?

It's funny how little, puny 13 to 16 year olds dress up all skanky, drink, smoke, pull guys and go clubbing just to seem cool (come on, that is the real reason), sexy, whatever. It's fun! Well, to older people they just look stupid really. But I did that too when I was in my early teens. Except the smoking and drinking. Yeah, that's it. But since I'm a bit weird and fucked up I never did anything to impress aANYbody. I did it for myself as it should be. I just came thinking on this as I was doing my daily facebook stalking and came across some hilarious profiles. HAHA.

Aaanywhooo let's talk about SEX!! Wait, say whaat? No. Let's talk about CHOCOLATE and CAKE because as we all know they are soooo much better than sex (really? hmm, i dunnoo...:S). They just melt in your mouth and make you moan and say aaah mooore! See, almost like sex. Unless it's bad sex. That's why chocolate and cookielicious goodness are better than sex 'cause there's a higher percentage that you will get good (amazing) chocolate than that you're going to get amazing sex. Mouthgasm vs Orgasm. What a dilemma. Not really.

Why do things fuck up? I guess there will always be periods in our lives where things are completely fucked up and you're sitting and wondering how the hell you're ever going to get out of the turmoil you're finding yourself in. Some peoples' periods of fuckiness are longer than others'. Life cannot be perfect. Shit will happen. Hopefully just not all the time or for long periods of time. It really sucks. Liquorice sucks. BLEH.

Half-baked Cookie Dough

 I love you like HALF-BAKED COOKIE DOUGH!!!!!
<-------------------------------- But without the Ben & Jerry's although Ben & Jerry's is also AWESOME since I LOVE ice-creeeaaaam!!
But what I really did mean was more like real cookie dough half-baked in an oven.

<-------- Like that! It is sooo good although those look a bit skanky.

ADIOS CHURROS! XXXX

Chicken Nuggeeet

Magaluf this summer better be a blast! Magaluf 2011 here we cooome!!

Aaah, yes the place of sex, sun and holiday madness! I have personally had some of the best times in Magaluf. And you meet so many new people. If you haven't been GO! You cannot imagine how crazy fun partying there is there! Literally, you won't be able to believe it until you've seen it, experienced it, drank it, stepped in it, rolled around in it and thrown it back up. Big jugs of sex on the beach all around! Hot bartenders (bartenders=sluts), funny chicken nuggets and black puddings and balloons filled with laughter! Aah, it sounds like party heaven! And yes, there is a strip club actually called "Heaven".

Like I said, I cannot even begin to describe how much wild fun one can have there. It may be too wild for some peoples' tastes but most people have a completely fucked-up crazy time. Beach all day, drink all night. Well, I don't do that since i hate the beach and don't drink and I'm not a tourist.

I love youse like half-baked cookie dough with ice-cream on top!

Kit Kat Kit Kat

"Wish me sexual loving tonight."

"I wish you sexual loving every night."


(Read this preferably in a Russian accent.)

I Don't Give A Chapstick!

People are cruel. Is it just in our nature to be so or is it something that is socially learnt? Cruelty. Liars, adulterers, cheaters, bullies ETCETERA. Cruuueeeeeeelllll.
AaaannNNyYwAYAY.
Let's talk about BOOBS. I found an article about the subject and until now I never realised how powerful us girls are! The power of boobs should not be underestimated!!
From the Dawn of Time, boobs have been shaping history - destroying careers, crippling world powers. Many men have been nearly destroyed by these orbs of power.
Q: What Can Women Do If They Want This Power, But Are Weak in the Ways of the Boob?

A: The Pushup. Or if you are rich and famous you could get a boob job or enhance your boobies or whatever rich people do.

Q: Is there anything else to boobs other than the Sideboob, Underboob, and Cleavage?

A: Yes. The center of the Boob is the source of its power. It is so powerful in fact that society does not permit its public display for fear of wide spread anarchy, and mass headsplosions. So here are some things that look sort of like the center of the boob:

 


Q: I heard something bad happens to Gremlins when they get wet. Is the same true for Boobs?

A: Yes and no. They triple or quadruple in power, so this can be a good or a bad thing.

Exhibit 1; Regular, non-wet boobs.

Exhibit 2; Super-charged, wet boobs!!!!
 AAAAAH!
HAHahaha. Orbits of power! Not that the amount of cleavage a girl pertains should really matter one way or the other, GUYS.
(uurgh guys are such whores. aren't girls too? yes.)