Women Are From VENUS! Not really.

Women can be confusing to men. For men it is hard to understand what a woman is thinking sometimes and many times a man thinks a woman is flirting with him he will spend the whole night chasing her only to realize that she really has no interest in him! Then the man will spend the rest of the night thinking himself pretty stupid. Fun times.

How can you interpret if someone is flirting with you or not? How to read these confusing signals that women emit (even though they're not really confusing it's just guy that think they are)? Women are famous for giving off mixed signals to guys that can really drive them crazy. Men by nature are more direct when it comes to flirting and women tend to be a bit more mysterious and hard to read.

Understand when she is interested! Don't come off as a weird stalker man! These are three signals a woman will give off even before you begin to talk to her. If she is sending any of these signals it's time to make your move.

Flirting Signs 1: She Can't Take Her Eyes Off Of You

• If a woman keeps looking at you there must be something she likes. I'm not talking about making eye contact with a woman. What I'm talking about is that every time you look up she's staring at you! 
• For many women, eye contact is the main way of flirting with guys. They would rather give you the look than walk over to see if you are interested. A woman that is interested in you will give you the encouragement to come talk to her by giving you good eye contact.

Flirting Signs 2: She Wants Your Attention

• This flirting sign is one that guys tend to miss the most. Many times a woman will constantly sit by a guy, make small talk anything to be near him and some guys still don't get the message!
• Guys: WAKE UP! Don't disregard the woman that is always around you! She is around you for a reason duuh. If she leaves her friends to come and talk to you, then it's a very good sign that she wants you to make the next move.

Flirting Signs 3: Flashing A Smile At You

• No matter what part of the world you're from, if a woman gives you a nice big smile it means that she wants to get to know you better. Usually.
• Flashing you a smile is just like making eye contact in that she is sending an obvious signal your way so DON'T MISS IT! Nice looking women have to work everyday to fend off guys she doesn't like (well, that sounds really stupid). If she is smiling at you, she is not trying to get rid off you. It means she is interested!

I don't know about that last point actually. Smiles can be deceiving so be careful on that last point but otherwise it is all true to some extent. You just got to look at the inconsistencies. Or just go with the flow and hope not to fuck up! Oh, how fun and embarrassing a good fuck-up can be.

While my voice becomes a mans.

When did being cool go out of style?

The word itself is seldom used. It should make a come back, even just for the reason that it is incredibly funny to try and make yourself cool. What defines 'cool'? Am I cool, is he cool, are we cool? Can you even conjugate it?

To be cool was once the essence of importance. Now it's to be 'sexy', 'hot', 'fit', 'baller' and other words that somehow seem to conjure or have a link to the phenomenon of sweat. When did sweat become something you want to be?

Everything was cool oncce. Well almost everything. The guillotine never quite made it. Advertising said that there just wasn't the right edge to it. The public couldn't relate to the product after monarchy collapsed.

To be cool in these times is a difficult and demanding task. People are always throwing you into other catagories. T o be cool is a great achievement. Well done.

Flicking through a little book of sex tips

Remember when the boys where all electric?

Try killing some time
With that chainsaw in your mind
So honey beware
You pick, you choose, you lose the dare

What Attracts Women To Guys?

Men think women are mysterious. Women think men are bastards. Or sluts. Man-sluts. Why are women so mysterious to men when the to women men are just...men? Well, since I am not a man myself I cannot completely and fully answer that question. Even though we think men to be such fools we are still attracted to them.

(This is probably all a generalisation by the way but there is some truth to it). What do women get attracted to? No. It's not your penises (well, maybe) .Well. It depends. Every guy is different but in general girls always like men that can make them laugh, men with humour. I previously read  in a blog that "Humor is attractive because it is a demonstration of a good life, of control, and of social power and dominance over her and other people". 

They are also attracted to kindness. Kind actions, kind words. Every girl likes being told she's pretty or beautiful or that she looks sexy. She might not admit it in the moment but inside she will be smiling profusely. 

Men with good style. If they dress good, it's always a plus. Especially if you look hot in what you're wearing (I. LOVE. SKINNY. JEANS) . But you don't have to dress like a friggin' super model or anything. I'm just saying. +

Some girls are totally attracted to that bad guy personality. It is so hot. A man to push you up against the wall with passionate kisses and some bananas (?) is very sexy indeed.

There are more things that attract girls but if we analyze the few things I've mentioned we see that yes humour=sexy but if you're trying too hard to be funny and making a complete ass out of yourself then you're failing miserably. You don't have to be funny. Just be yourself.

Kindness is good but don't pretend to be someone you're not or again try too hard 'cause we will see right through you! And if you keep saying "Oh, baby, you're so damn fine. Oh, you so pretty. That skirt is just like BAM. Sexylicious" It will seem as if you're engaging in verbal harrassment.

As to style; sometimes guys just don't have a clue and try to hard and fail. Miserably. And don't push a girl up against the wall unless you know with 110% certainty that she wants it. Otherwise you will seem like you're gonna rape her. 

So basically you're fucked! Well, no. But you see why girls think guys are bastards even though they might not be. 40-50% it's because they've been trying too hard. Just be yourself. Nobody likes a liar.

<3

Looking for someone to iron shirts- Do you love ironing?

What do you do when you are next to a hot, red blooded boy who seems like he'd be a little dirty in bed? A boy with nice hands, cute face and an edible smile? You eat bananas of course! 

-What else can easy those sultry, sweaty images popping up in your mind better then a delicious ripe banana?

-Where else can you find solace from the urge to push him up against the wall if not in the sweet crunchiness of banana chips?

-Who else can stop those rampent desires to run your hands all over his body more than a creamy, tangy banana yogurt?

Nothing quite beats the heat of passion like a good ole baked banana!

Now you might think it has to do with them being phalic shaped, well heavens No! Bananas are well known through out the world to calm the brain and quench the feelings of burning lust. They release chemicals into the body which counteract and block the oncome of pheromones from the object of temptation. 

'That's so simple!' you may say, 'how did I not know before!' Well studies show that 90% of women don't, you're not alone in your ignorance!

So ladies save yourself the heartache, when the urge arises-don't suck a dick, eat a banana.

I'm burning inside to touch you!

Pray for silence.

WHat?

It's funny how little, puny 13 to 16 year olds dress up all skanky, drink, smoke, pull guys and go clubbing just to seem cool (come on, that is the real reason), sexy, whatever. It's fun! Well, to older people they just look stupid really. But I did that too when I was in my early teens. Except the smoking and drinking. Yeah, that's it. But since I'm a bit weird and fucked up I never did anything to impress aANYbody. I did it for myself as it should be. I just came thinking on this as I was doing my daily facebook stalking and came across some hilarious profiles. HAHA.

Aaanywhooo let's talk about SEX!! Wait, say whaat? No. Let's talk about CHOCOLATE and CAKE because as we all know they are soooo much better than sex (really? hmm, i dunnoo...:S). They just melt in your mouth and make you moan and say aaah mooore! See, almost like sex. Unless it's bad sex. That's why chocolate and cookielicious goodness are better than sex 'cause there's a higher percentage that you will get good (amazing) chocolate than that you're going to get amazing sex. Mouthgasm vs Orgasm. What a dilemma. Not really.

Why do things fuck up? I guess there will always be periods in our lives where things are completely fucked up and you're sitting and wondering how the hell you're ever going to get out of the turmoil you're finding yourself in. Some peoples' periods of fuckiness are longer than others'. Life cannot be perfect. Shit will happen. Hopefully just not all the time or for long periods of time. It really sucks. Liquorice sucks. BLEH.

Half-baked Cookie Dough

 I love you like HALF-BAKED COOKIE DOUGH!!!!!
<-------------------------------- But without the Ben & Jerry's although Ben & Jerry's is also AWESOME since I LOVE ice-creeeaaaam!!
But what I really did mean was more like real cookie dough half-baked in an oven.

<-------- Like that! It is sooo good although those look a bit skanky.

ADIOS CHURROS! XXXX

Chicken Nuggeeet

Magaluf this summer better be a blast! Magaluf 2011 here we cooome!!

Aaah, yes the place of sex, sun and holiday madness! I have personally had some of the best times in Magaluf. And you meet so many new people. If you haven't been GO! You cannot imagine how crazy fun partying there is there! Literally, you won't be able to believe it until you've seen it, experienced it, drank it, stepped in it, rolled around in it and thrown it back up. Big jugs of sex on the beach all around! Hot bartenders (bartenders=sluts), funny chicken nuggets and black puddings and balloons filled with laughter! Aah, it sounds like party heaven! And yes, there is a strip club actually called "Heaven".

Like I said, I cannot even begin to describe how much wild fun one can have there. It may be too wild for some peoples' tastes but most people have a completely fucked-up crazy time. Beach all day, drink all night. Well, I don't do that since i hate the beach and don't drink and I'm not a tourist.

I love youse like half-baked cookie dough with ice-cream on top!

Kit Kat Kit Kat

"Wish me sexual loving tonight."

"I wish you sexual loving every night."


(Read this preferably in a Russian accent.)

I Don't Give A Chapstick!

People are cruel. Is it just in our nature to be so or is it something that is socially learnt? Cruelty. Liars, adulterers, cheaters, bullies ETCETERA. Cruuueeeeeeelllll.
AaaannNNyYwAYAY.
Let's talk about BOOBS. I found an article about the subject and until now I never realised how powerful us girls are! The power of boobs should not be underestimated!!
From the Dawn of Time, boobs have been shaping history - destroying careers, crippling world powers. Many men have been nearly destroyed by these orbs of power.
Q: What Can Women Do If They Want This Power, But Are Weak in the Ways of the Boob?

A: The Pushup. Or if you are rich and famous you could get a boob job or enhance your boobies or whatever rich people do.

Q: Is there anything else to boobs other than the Sideboob, Underboob, and Cleavage?

A: Yes. The center of the Boob is the source of its power. It is so powerful in fact that society does not permit its public display for fear of wide spread anarchy, and mass headsplosions. So here are some things that look sort of like the center of the boob:

 


Q: I heard something bad happens to Gremlins when they get wet. Is the same true for Boobs?

A: Yes and no. They triple or quadruple in power, so this can be a good or a bad thing.

Exhibit 1; Regular, non-wet boobs.

Exhibit 2; Super-charged, wet boobs!!!!
 AAAAAH!
HAHahaha. Orbits of power! Not that the amount of cleavage a girl pertains should really matter one way or the other, GUYS.
(uurgh guys are such whores. aren't girls too? yes.)

Southern comfort and a hint of lime

"I wanna rub mustard on your nipples"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh shit I thought you were a woman, it was the god damn beard. You carrot top bitch"

‎"I'm gonna release the bull on you" "I'll wear my red panties so you know where to go"

 

‎"it's like a gentle waterfall against my inner thigh"

 

Last night.

 

13 & 22 shots

Self-guided Jägermeister tour of Kitzbühel, Austria in character? 

 

Fuck yes.

For the more adventurous couples, there are other ways to use Vibrating Rings..

"Look, they sell dildo's in the supermarket!"
This is what my 18 year old friend runs over and whispers to me as we check out of the supermarket. He is wildly excited and titilated at the fact that common everyday place are selling 'forbidden object'! I was wondering what he'd been doing lurking over by the condom section when he claimed to need a nail clipper. Welcome to Auuusstriaaa!

And thus a night of sexual toys is born! Starting with a long envolved conversation about how and why you would use a virbrating ring (a friend gave him one in Berlin), google become involved throwning down the step by step intructions on how to use that little baby. This discussion ended with me waking up to something vibrating on my face. Ahh, the joy!

http://www.ehow.com/about_5315403_vibrating-ring.html

Well 'scuse me I have to go make love to some beautiful shoes.

Yours would look better than mine 'cause you're outta my league.

Bound and Gagged, Oh Mistress

What is the difference between love and self-hatred?

Deprivation.

But that's not the answer. To the first question. Two unrelated things.

The fact is that musicians are just 10000 times hotter than normal people. I mean is it not just so extremely sexy with a guy blasting away on an electric guitar or playing some complicated piano piece than a guy not really doing anything or just playing stupid video games? Not that I'm insulting video games or its players I'm just saying that a guy who can show of on a big, hunky trombone automatically becomes so much hotter than your normal, average, everyday guy. Especially a guy that can sing. OMG hot, sexy singing voices can swipe a girl right off her feet.

But those are all just outside appearances. No matter if you sing, dance (good dancers are sooo attractive!), play WOW or like your culinary arts it's how you are on the inside that matters. The other things are just a few benefits to help your cause. Or not. Probably not. Maybe?

Enough of this cheesy shit. We should all just have one-night-stands all the time and base our relationships solely on sex and pancakes. Yesss, pancakes. With A LOT of syrup!!! No, actually, fuck relationships all together. You only end up getting hurt one way or the other. Why spend time wasting your energy on something that's just gonna make you feel like shit in the end?

Now, that's not very optimistic of me, now is it? Damn, such negativity! 'Tis not good for the soul, guurrl!

Ofcourse we should have relationships but there's nothing wrong with being single and having ze fun while you're young. Or old. Why should age be a determining factor of what kinds of fun you're allowed to have or not? Not getting into that (but it shouldn't be!!).

To be honest, I'm just writing a lot of bullshit 'cause I was fresh out of ideas of what to write about. HA! But musicians are 10000000 hotter than normal people. Totally. Jazzzzzzz.

Sex on toast is good for the soul. You should try it some time.

Threesome anyone?

A case of the talls,

Why must you always want what you can't have? It must be built into us since in the womb. Such an awful feeling, accompanied with a sense of mild desperation. Uh.

It can be felt about all things. Even people. Well this is usually a different feeling, its more depressing knowing you can't be with somebody or that they just plain arn't attracted to you. Like a smack in the face. The emotions progress from 'I don't care'- 'insecurity'-'jealousy' to 'depressed and unattractive'. Gosh, how pathetic we can be! In the moment it feels like the end of the world, and for a short time it is.. well the end of the world were you are together with that special douchbaggy someone. I once heard that chivalry is dead, and don't you know it. You just can't tell if he is shy or just fucking you around. When did walking a girl home to make sure she's ok stop being common courtesy? Tsk, tsk be a gentleman.


"It is not that you are unloveable, it is that those who are ignorant have yet to realise your beauty"

Llamas With Hats

Llamas wear hats. You're probably thinking, "Wtf?! No, they don't!!"

Yes they do.

If you can't see the hats it's only 'cause they happen to be wearing invisible ones.

Ten Guilty Pleasures

Why should pleasures be guilty? Aren't our pleasures supposed to make us feel good? I guess they mean "guilty" when your pleasures are something like buttering yourself up with fake sun tan lotion 'cause that's just weird. Not like watching porn. Porn is completely normal!

1. Skinny jeans (TIGHT skinny jeans). On hot men. Cheap Mondays.
2. Chocolatechocolatechocolatechocolateandsomemorechocolate.
3. McDonald's Ice-cream. All ice-creams except for anything with mint in it. Mint is bleeh.
4. GREEN DAY 4EVER!!!!!!!!!
5. Good smelling hot guys. Mmmm muscles.
6. Long, spontaneous, crazy nights out.
7. Facebook. That's a bit of a "guilty" pleasure I guess.
8. Singing. Anywhere, everywhere, always. 
9. Glee. Glee. More Glee. And historical and war movies. Musicals! (I am not gay).
10. Baking. I am a bako-mania. If that exists. Yes it does.

I would write more but I was only allowed ten things otherwise it wouldn't be "Ten Guilty Pleasures". Duh.

♫To fall in love and fall in debt to alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane to keep me insane doing someone else's cocaine..♪

It's all in your head no jk I'm actually naked right now.

Milkshake, milkshake I love to feel you sweat. We don't have to go to the pool if you want me to make you wet!

"Why don't you turn around?" "I'm not going to let you bum me."

There are some things that should exist in our general knowledge. Like the world isn't flat, the sun is a star, 2+2=4, a spoon and a fork make a spork.....yeah, I don't know what else but there are some general things we should know. There are also some "ungeneral" things we should know. Those you'll have to figure out by yourselves and no, they're not how to trick the guy/girl of your dreams into having sex with you up against the drinks machine. Gosh, such dirty minds you kinky teens have. Tsssk.

Where is the chocolate??

People have got their minds wound up in so many senseless, stupid things these days. Like peanut butter. Whatever happened to world peace?


World peace? What's that?


Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from ground dry roasted peanuts, popular in the Philippines, North America, theNetherlands and the United Kingdom. It is mainly used as a sandwich spread, sometimes in combination as in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The United States^[1] and China are leading exporters of peanut butter. Other nuts are used as the basis for similar nut butters.


At least that's what Wikipedia says.


They be lyyyyiiinggg! Well, a little bit anyway. Peanut butter is the small centre of appetite life. Not bacon. Bacon is good but it is not great as some president in some country once said. Peanut butter is great. Better than great. It is the foundation of the PB&J sandwich. Without it there is no PB&J. Just a J. That is horrible. Peanut butter is also used to make snicker cakes and peanut butter cookies etc. How can you not like peanut butter? Unless you're allergic... It is very energy rich and daily doses of it will allow us to live to see the death of the sun in which all life on Earth (including us) will also die because there won't be any light.


I'm not trying to scare you.
............
Yes I am.


Unless we are very technological and roboty. Then we might live past that.


Anyway, sex on toast is yummy especially with extra butter and cheeze.


And peanut butter.

I WANT MY CHOCOLATE!

'Swan dive! into the best night of your life'

 OLD SPICE AD'S ARE THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD.




http://www.youtube.com/user/OldSpice#p/c/B9F260CE56D04E73

http://www.youtube.com/user/OldSpice#p/c/B9F260CE56D04E73

Technological romance

Changing your facebook relationship, ooo what a big step! You know it's true love when you both decided to be in a relationship together and your friends know the rumors are true when they see it on facebook.
Gosh what a crappy thing we've built up. People oogling and fussing about a stupid option box on a webpage. Doesn't it make you want to change your status just to stir up some good old facebook gossip?

I wish they had more options too. 'It's complicated'- no it's really not, we're just fucking.

Tea with Ze Razpberries and Ze Vanillaa

Hello (German accent)!


I greet you, my darlings, from ze country of Deutschland! Jawohl! Germanland! The land of the yodel and lederhosen. Their cheeze is not very famous instead we have to talk about the WURST! THE SAUZZAGE! Bratwurst among others are ze very famous hier. It is eaten while wearing ze lederhosen.


Ze LEDERHOSEN are ze typical men's clothing of Bavaria. They are worn for hard phisical work! Like ze bratwurst making. And outdoor activities. YES.

                         

Bratwurst!

LEDERHOSEN! Well, ze Bruno wearing lederhosen. He is quite famous especially for his clothes style. Also known as Borat...MANKINI!

It's settled then. We'll become buddhist nuns in the mountains and eat bread and cheese till we die and worship Marlon Brando.

We worship Marlon Brando in the mountains while eating swiss cheese.

Here is a picture of him in the movie "A Streetcar Named Desire" (very good play you must see it although I have only studied it, twice). A very manly man. A little sweat on his shirt to increase the manliness he emits. Yum. 

Three Little Birdies Sitting on a STICCKKK!!

One is in Sweden, one is in Austria. Where is the third?


Wait whaat??


SEX ON A STIIIICK!

Stranger Danger

There is a man. Outside my window. He is scraping away the snow from the streets. With a big shovel. Except it's not a shovel. It's bigger. Wider. He is what Swedish people define as "surgubbe". Look it up, n00b.


Because you are too lazy to look it up I have done you a favour and looked it up for you.


"surgubbe", "sur gubbe" or "den sure gubben": an old man that constantly nags, quarrels and makes disturbances and that the village's children are afraid of.


Or comes banging on your apartment door because he thinks you're playing your music too loud. Or 'cause you've stolen a Christmas tree.

Moose

The Plural of Moose

What be the plural for moose? Meese?

One moose.

Many meese. And some beavers.

Initiation

Hello Hello Kinky Minxys!

This is the first post of my and Spoon's blog! It is quite exciting, I must say. We will write about all the not exciting things happening around us, to us, within us...haha no the last one was obviously a joke. Our adventures (sexual adventures perhaps) will be revealed. Randomosities filled with spontaneity will be posted and if you're lucky pictures and/or videos will also appear!

Woohoooo. Hooo.

It is sad, very sad indeed, that I have not seen my dear Spooneleh in six months! Last time was sometime at the end of June/beginning of May before she departed to the States. I miss youuuu <3 But lucky me who has you on speed dial and can press that button anytime I want, hear the numbers being dialed super-fast and then connected to you! Aaah.

Oh dear lord, it is 0256hrs in ze morning in Malmö, Swedenland. Weather report: a little snow, but not nearly enough unfortunately. Not nearly enough for me to be able to travel by way of using my skiis. I would ski to the supermarket and around town and to school as well. It would be very fun but a bit hard since all the roads are flat. This is a dream that will not be fulfilled. Not today at least.

Facebook. What are your thoughts on the subject? Yes, subject. Facebook has become so famous and well-known throughout the world that it has now earned the right to become a subject of discussion. Controversial or not I guess Facebook is a big issue nowadays. People have started to complain that it obstructs teenagers, making them worse at school etc. Well, I say fuck politics! I am a Facebook addict and a proud one at that.

Although sometimes I want to bite it, kill it and throw my computer into the wall.

What is a Moose? The Moose (Cervus elaphus) is described as a large northern deer with huge flattened antlers in the male. Many different species of Moose exist to but we only need to know about one. 

Moosus mirjanus. 

The Moosus mirjanus is a smart, wild creature at best. It likes to socialize with other animals and go out and dance moose-style. It lives on a diet of very little food and can go days without eating. It drinks extreme amounts of diet coke. In other words, a coke addict. When it goes out, it likes to release pheromones to attract the males and have fun time. Stupid people makes it angry so beware of the antlers. They are big. The Moosus mirjanus is one of the best types of moose there is. Apart from the Alcers andesomi moose. They are pretty awesome too.

Do you want the sexy time?

What to do, what to do when the sky is blue and the thoughts are on you? Except the sky isn't blue, it's grey and cloudy so it's alright then!

I will depart now. 

Spatulas with ice-cream on top. And sprinkles. You gotta have the sprinkles.

Moose <3